On People and Alcohol

I was sitting at my desk literally just a moment ago, staring at the blank page and wondering what I could be talking about tonight, when my oh-so-lovely, absolutely formidable and momentarily very very drunk (or in her own words ‘a birtd djrunks’) friend T, who is supposedly working as an intern for an NGO in India, messaged me simultaneously on every social media on the face of earth. Now, T is a totally adorable drunk, and to prove my point I’m going to record here part of our conversation, taking the poetic license to correct her typos (the poor girl is wasted after all!).

T: I am a bit drunk.

Everyone is vomming.

I am not, though.

I’ll be back soon.

I danced with an Abercrombie hottie.

Woooooo.

I had to leave him.

Because everyone was vomming.

I was the only one standing.

Had to help.

I hate that bitch.

I’ll bring you an Abercrombie boy back. 

And to L, too.

I can’t find you on Facebook

Me (finally being given a chance to actually type something): Are you writing the right name?

T: Of course!

Ftanceaca.

Me: Maybe you should try with Francesca.

T: Oh. Found you!

❤

That is indeed an utterly enchanting shit-faced girl, isn’t it? Some drunks are very funny, some become sweet and cuddly, some give loads of love to everyone. Some, like T, go for all of the above. And some are just bad drunks. They get sad, and melancholic, and aggressive, and bad-tempered. Or all of the above. Not a pleasant combination. 

I don’t believe for a second that alcohol changes who we are, though. The I’m-sorry-I-was-drunk-I-didn’t-mean-to-do-what-I-did-so-let’s-pretend-it-did-not-happen apology that is so often used is not good enough for me. It is not an excuse I am willing to accept. Man up and admit that whatever crime it is that your inebriated self decided was a good idea to commit while your brains were temporarily out of order is actually exactly what your innermost, ashamed and prudish ego wanted, only you wouldn’t have been able to admit it without a little help from your intoxicating friends, Tequila and Sambuca (positively charming guys, if I may give my opinion. You should definitely hang out with them once in a while).

What’s the nicest thing a hungover guy has ever said to me? ‘Oh, sorry. I didn’t intend to try and sleep with you. I was just very very high on booze’. Wow, that’s flattering. Thank you very much. Yes, the guy really knows how to pick up a girl. A true gentleman of the best kind. They don’t make them like him anymore. Well, I didn’t take it too badly. I only (very accidentally, obviously) sabotaged his next three or four relationships. A girl has to make justice for herself, right?

Are you good or bad drunks? What’s the worst thing you have ever done while wasted? And no, I’m not going to tell you mine, ever, not even in a billion years, not even while inebriated, so don’t ask.